Catnip
by Phoenix-cry
Summary: When Salen  2009 OC Vulcan character from my series Star Trek: Extinction, Treason, and Black Diamond Dogs  starts acting oddly on a new planet the source comes as a surprise to everyone. One shot story.


NOTE: Some readers over at my Deviant art page (Phoenix-Cry) wanted some fun trouble for Salen to get into.

Catnip

"Razor to Diamond, we need an evac..."

Razor paused as Salen started to slip out of his grasp. Trying to hold the Vulcan up was like trying to nail jell-o to the wall. Razor wrapped his arm around Salen's waist and held him tightly. Showing an amazing amount of flexibility Salen arched back away from him in a disturbing rag doll fashion.

"Just leave me here, Razor."

"Tyger beam us up now!" Razor barked.

The familiar tingling brought the pair up off the planet quickly. Razor tried to step down off the transport pad, but Salen was in no condition to walk along with him. Sighing in frustration Razor reached down and lifted Salen up like he was a bride to be carried over a threshold.

Down in sick bay Joanna rushed to the pair and pressed her fingers against Salen's throat. Salen lolled his head in her direction and opened his deep brown eyes. Joanna gasped sharply when she noticed that his pupils were almost completely dilated.

"What's wrong with him?" Joanna asked anxiously.

"Nothing, my Love." Salen purred. "Life...is...gooood."

"Salen?"

Salen squirmed in Razor's arms, forcing his friend to put him down. Although his feet were on the floor it was clear that he wasn't going to be able to stand on his own. Razor grabbed him around the waist again, but with Joanna here Salen protested. He put his hands against Razor's chest and pushed him away. Razor wasn't about to let go, but Salen was considerably stronger. As a result he pushed Razor off balance and as he fell backwards Razor took Salen with him.

Landing on the floor in a heap Salen started giggling uncontrollably. By this point Razor was becoming more annoyed than concerned. Joanna reached down to help Salen up, but he pulled her down into the pile instead.

"Oof!" Razor gasped as the extra weight landed on his chest. "Salen get off me!"

Salen wasn't listening, with Joanna now in his arms he nuzzled her affectionately. Blushing deeply Joanna called over two of the male nurses to help them out. Chuckling at their superior's predicament the nurses came over and untangled the various limbs until they were able to lift Salen up. Joanna instructed them to take him into one of the isolation rooms and sat him down on one of the biobeds. Running his hands over the fabric of the biobed Salen made a noise of approval.

"This is so soft...can I lay down?"

"That's an excellent idea." Joanna nodded.

Laying down Salen stretched out like a cat in a sun beam and moaned deeply. Smacking his lips he settled deeper into the plush biobed. Razor gave him an envious glance, he'd never seen anyone looks so comfortable before. With his eyes half open Salen reached out and stole Joanna's hand and hugged it to his chest.

With one hand held captive Joanna used the other to tap on the medical read out panel. She furrowed her brow as she went through the vitals that the biobed was relaying to her. Feeling anxious Razor reached down and brushed Salen's white hair out of his face. Salen closed his eyes and sighed in deep contentment.

"Well, Doc?"

"He's certainly feeling no pain, but I don't understand it. It's almost as if he has a powerful opiate in his system, but I can't find any traces of an opiate."

"Is it killing him?"

"No." Joanna shook her head. "His vitals look great, picture of health."

"I have never felt better." Salen chuckled. "Razor...go away."

"What?"

"Go away, I want to spend some time with my radiantly beautiful wife."

Joanna blushed a bright red as Salen brought her hand up to his lips and kissed it gently. Razor rolled his eyes. Trying to regain some professional ground Joanna pulled her hand away from Salen. He flashed her a hurt look, but then just started to stretch out his muscles. Smiling brightly he sat up and tried to get down off the biobed, but Razor stopped him.

"You're not going anywhere until we figure out what the hell is wrong with you." Razor said firmly.

"Nothing is wrong with me. I feel great."

"Which is exactly what has me worried."

"You're no fun, Razor." Salen huffed.

"Razor," Joanna said "what exactly happened?"

"We were just walking through the forest towards the compound to do a quick recon when Salen started walking funny."

"Funny?"

"Weaving back and forth, eventually starting to fall over. Like he was drunk."

"Drunk..." Joanna mused. "What kind of forest is down there?"

"It's not so much a forest as a jungle."

"I think I know what happened." Joanna smiled.

"Is he going to be okay?"

"I think so." Joanna tapped on the near by computer screen and brought up a picture of a small tree. "Was there a lot of this down there."

"Yup. What is it?"

"Theobroma cacao."

"Theo what now?"

"Cacao, you probably know it better as a coco plant."

"Chocolate?" Razor asked in confusion.

"Chocolate is like alcohol to Vulcans, and cacao flower pollen is like...like catnip to them."

"Oh great, he's drugged out of his mind."

"He'll be just fine. There are no lasting effects, it's not addictive or anything."

"Vulcans are so weird." Razor rolled his eyes. "Alright, I'm going to leave him in your capable hands and Tyger and I will go finish this quick mission. You two kids have fun...no sense wasting a good high."

"Amen." Salen chuckled.

Razor left with a noise of frustration. Joanna giggled and leaned down and kissed Salen's cheek. Salen was extremely receptive to the treatment and wrapped his arms around her neck to pull her in for another more involved kiss. Joanna untangled herself from her amours husband. She walked over to the door and switched on the black privacy field and locked it. Stepping back over to Salen she ran her hand against his scared cheek.

"I'm not sure taking advantage of you when you're like this is very professional." Joanna said.

"Professional?" Salen shook his head. "No, no very professional at all. However, I promise to not file a complaint about any doctor/patient indiscretions that may occur. Besides the way I'm feeling right now I am fairly certain I can show you a good enough time to make losing your license worth it..."

Joanna leaned in for another kiss and before she could think twice about what they were doing she was up on the biobed with him. It only occurred to her after nearly an hour of passion that the computers in the bed were probably recording all of their elevated vital signs. In no mood to care about the computers Joanna laid breathlessly next to Salen. With her ear against his chest she could hear his oddly placed heart pounding. Propping herself up on her elbow she looked down at Salen as he smiled up at her.

"Why isn't coca pollen more popular among Vulcans?" Joanna teased.

"Ecstasy is not logical."

"Such a shame."


End file.
